Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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