So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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