Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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