I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
