life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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