She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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