I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Come back. Shots need mouths.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
