u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
