Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
