just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize