Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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