your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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