I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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