my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize