Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
