I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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