Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
