My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
