Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
