So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize