the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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