Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
