bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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