Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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