Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
