Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
