You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
