Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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