We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
