I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
