I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
