she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm both gender and math confused
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