Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
