I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
