Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
