oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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