I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
