my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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