instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize