i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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