Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Drunk is not a location!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize