At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this boner is exhausting
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
