I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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