I'm really into asian looking animals
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize