They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
