She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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