You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
