I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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