Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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