Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
