My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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