Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
