Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
