Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
