She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
