Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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