So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this just has baby written all over it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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