my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
