He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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