His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
