Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
