I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What changed your mind?
Being sober
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
