So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize