Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
