so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
