Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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