WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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