she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sarcasm needs its own font
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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