Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize