Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
