dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
