apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
