i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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