i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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