I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
