I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
