i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
