If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
