GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
