I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize