Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
