Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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