She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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