some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize