saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
