:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
