He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
