I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize