guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I skipped work to stalk him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
