look no pants
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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