Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
