Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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