Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
