I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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