i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
there is glitter all over my balls
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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