i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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