Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
