I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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