Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
