thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
