Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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