I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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