Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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