I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
